The art of communication: Listen to my body talk

You might be a confident communicator, but are your actions speaking louder than your words? Philomena Hayward suggests it might be time to get acquainted with body language.

We all want to be successful and in the world of business, success depends on your relationships with those around you. None of us work in a vacuum, we need to influence colleagues, clients, suppliers, peers and our bosses to achieve our goals.

So far so obvious. Clearly it is not possible to develop quality working relationships without effective communication, and yet the most important aspect of our communication is often the one we think about the least: body language.

In simple terms body language is made up of gestures, facial expressions, the look in your eye, posture and other non-verbal signals such as the tone, speed and volume of your voice. As with all communication, body language is a two-way process, your own body language reveals your feelings and meanings to others in the same way other people’s body language reveals theirs to you.

The psychologist Albert Mehrabian determined that more than 90% of our communication comes from those non-verbal signals compared to the actual words that we use. What this means is that it is impossible not to communicate and often we are doing so unconsciously. So if what we are saying is not matched by our body language we can give off a mixed message that dilutes our idea.

What does President Obama’s body language tell us in this scene? The smile is good, but feet on the desk is surely a no-no?

Think about first impressions. We form our opinions of someone we meet for the first time in just a few seconds, and this initial instinctual assessment is based far more on what we see and feel about the other person than on the words they speak. On many occasions we form a strong view about a new person before they speak a single word.

One of the most simple forms of body language we encounter is the handshake and yet it can make or break your first impression. Interestingly, both the limp, damp handshake and the knuckle cruncher are communicating the same thing: uncertainty, or even lack of confidence – one by holding back and the other by overcompensating. So a tip for making a positive first impression: face the other person, smile, your hand vertical, your arm half way from your body and a firm shake.

By paying attention to our own body language we can become more effective. Our bodies can actually change our minds and our moods. Research undertaken at Harvard has demonstrated that by holding a confident, positive position for at least two minutes, the levels of testosterone in the body (action oriented) increase and cortisol (stress hormone) decrease.

Think about a sporting example, Cristiano Ronaldo taking a free kick. He consistently uses the same posture, facial expression, slows down his breathing, looks towards the goal. As soon as he is in that stance he is ready and he doesn’t need to think about what he is going to do, it is already programmed into his mind and body. So what body language will help you when you have to give that project presentation, attend that important interview or make a key phone call? Similarly, the more you practise and repeat, the more natural it becomes.

Often what interests us most is being able to “read” what someone else is really communicating through their body language. We all have this ability and do it unconsciously. I have developed a CPD accredited Body Language in Business workshop and when I delivered one recently it was fascinating to see how easily the participants read the non-verbal signals we looked at because they were consciously thinking about it. We’ve all been in meetings where you could “cut the atmosphere with a knife” and yet it is not because of anything that is being said, you sense what a colleague really thinks when they claim to agree but they are turned away from you and their smile looks more like a grimace.

If you become more aware of those unspoken messages you have more power to not only make your own messages clear and consistent but to have more choice about how to deal with the real response you are getting from others. This is truly listening and a key skill of any successful leader.

But I do want to issue a health warning. We all know that someone who covers their mouth when they speak is lying right? Wrong. No one signal is a totally reliable indicator so pay attention to other signals and ask questions. Also remember that just like you, people will know when someone is using their body language to try to manipulate them. The most important thing to remember is that any communication will be unsuccessful without rapport.

So as you focus on your goals for 2014, think about the business relationships you want to develop and how you can use these ideas to improve your influence.

Philomena Hayward leads Hayward Development Partnership. Visit www.hdpartnership.co.uk for more information